Thursday, 23 May 2013

Why you shouldn't avoid confrontation


Image: Good Therapy
Have you ever been in or known of a situation where two people have a disagreement about something but refuse to talk about it? Maybe you heard from a friend that someone said something about you, and instead of confronting that person you just ignore them completely. Maybe you feel like someone has been ignoring you and you assume it's because they find you annoying in some way, and as a result you begin to ignore that person in return. Most times, these kinds of awkward situations simply arise from a failure to communicate. Sure in some instances there may actually be some bad blood, but in most cases the disagreement is about something trivial, or based on something that doesn't even exist. Maybe that friend who talked to you earlier misheard what that person said, and you ended up avoiding that person for something they never said. Here's a short story one of my seniors shared with me about Saidina Abu Bakar r.a and Saidina Umar r.a., where a failure to communicate led to a small misunderstanding.

Saidina Abu Bakar r.a was upset with Saidina Umar r.a because whenever the two would meet, Abu Bakar would always be the one to give salam to Umar. Not once did Umar ever give salam to Abu Bakar. So Abu Bakar went to Rasulullah SAW and told him how he felt. Our Prophet then called Umar and asked Umar to explain why he never gave salam to Abu Bakar. Umar explained that the reason why he never gave salam was because the Prophet had once said that the people who will lead the ummah into Jannah would be the people who always gave salam. Umar didn't wan't to lead Abu Bakar into Jannah, he wanted to follow Abu Bakar into Jannah, such is his respect for Abu Bakar. Upon hearing this Abu Bakar felt honoured and wasn't upset with Umar anymore.

The worst thing you can do if you have a problem with someone, is not talk about it. Humans are not mind readers. We can't be sure of what other people might think. We might be able to guess yeah, but the only way to be sure is to talk about it. Put your ego aside and make the confrontation. Most people who know me know that I never keep anything to myself. If I have a thought, I make sure it's heard; even though sometimes I probably should keep some things to myself. Anyway, if I have a problem with someone, I say it straight to them. Some say its insensitive, some have called me brutally honest, but I'd rather be brutally honest than a sugar-coating liar. I'm not saying that you should be brutally honest as well, but I'm definitely saying you shouldn't run away from confrontation. If you can find a middle ground, go for it!
Why sugar-coating exists. Image: Tumblr
So please, don't avoid confrontation. Look it in the eye and face it head-on.